Congress, what a joke.
Their approval ratings are like lead balloons, evident by last month’s Rasmussen Poll where only 9 percent of mainstream voters gave Congress a positive rating. It’s no wonder 58 percent of us would rather have a partial shutdown of government until the Democrats and Republicans can agree on spending cuts.
I am a bit surprised they haven’t hired some high profile, overpriced public relations firm to help boost their ratings. They could create an entire agency under a “PR Czar,” write another 2,000 page bill that nobody will read, name it “The 2011 Congressional Act to Pull the Wool Over Their Eyes,” pass it late on a Friday night and watch their new TV commercials on the Sunday Morning talk shows.
One wing of this new agency would be in charge of the president’s public relations. Of course they would have to come up with a marketing plan, and centralize it around a theme song. They could always take the easy route and use “Hail to the Chief,” but most likely they would chose Bruce Springsteen’s hit, “Born in the U.S.A.” How could you pass up lyrics like:
“Born down in a dead man’s town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much
‘Til you spend half your life just covering up.”
The U.S. Senate would also turn to Springsteen for their theme song, appropriately entitled, “Born to Run:”
“Baby this town rips the bones from your back
Its a death trap, it’s a suicide rap
We gotta get out while we’re young
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run.”
The House of Representatives would be more difficult. There are so many to choose. How about Stephen Sondheim’s “Send in the Clowns:”
“Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.”
Or Simon and Garfunkel’s “Slip Sliding Away:”
“Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you’re slip sliding away
We’re workin’ our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we’re gliding down the highway, when in fact we’re slip sliding away.”
Or, how about, The Monkees:
“Hey, Hey, We’re the Monkees
People say we monkey around
Any time, or anywhere,
Just look over your shoulder
Guess who’ll be standing there.”
And what about those Wisconsin State Senators who left their state and are hiding out in Illinois to avoid voting? Paul Simon’s “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” comes to mind:
“You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free.”
Heck, even We The People could get involved. We could have our own theme songs. Remember Patsy Cline’s “Crazy?”
“I’m crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I’m crazy for loving you.”
Or maybe we should use Elvis Presley’s, “Teddy Bear:”
“Put a Chain around my neck and lead me anywhere…”
Back to the U.S. Congress. What would you choose for their theme song? I think mine would be based on that old childhood tune, “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” You remember that. It seemed to take hours to sing.
“99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.”
They could change it to fit the fiscal mess they have gotten us in to. How about:
“Fourteen trillion dollars in debt, Fourteen trillion dollars.
You take one down and pass it around,
Thirteen trillion, nine hundred and ninety nine billion,
Nine hundred and ninety nine million,
Nine hundred and ninety nine thousand
Nine hundred and ninety nine dollars in debt.”
All 435 members could stand and sing it in unison every time they cut a billion dollars. How long would it take to pay off the national debt if they cut one billion dollars every minute, then stood to sing their new theme song? Now think about it. If they cut one billion dollars a minute, that would be a whopping $1,440 billion a day! Did you guess 27 years? If you did, you would be right.
Instead of cutting $1,440 billion a day, they are talking about $60 billion in a year.
“Send in the Clowns!”